


What would you tell her?

by Firgolfin



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Bad Dreams, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4869470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firgolfin/pseuds/Firgolfin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen talks about the Hero of Ferelden; the Inquisitor feels a sting of jealousy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What would you tell her?

The wind blows through the hole in the ceiling, the moon illuminates the room, and she's staring up into the dark sky, waiting for sleep that won't come. Too many thoughts are swirling around in her head. And the big, warm body of the man sleeping next to her, it doesn't hold comfort tonight, for he's the reason of her inner turmoil.

Another whisper falls from his mouth, and it's too much. She has to talk to him, now.

"Cullen. _Cullen_... wake up," the Inquisitor whispers and puts her hand on his shoulder, trying to wake him as gently as possible.

The bed creaks as he turns around. "Mhm?" he murmurs and puts an arm around her, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispers, "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Hmm, now?" he groans into the pillows, then blinks, his eyes searching hers in the half-darkness. "Alright. What is it?"

As he looks at her, sleepy, vulnerable, she suddenly feels like an intruder. Should she really ask? She's just about to crawl into his dreams–and she knows they are barely good ones–into his deepest, most private thoughts. But...

_Just ask._

"The Hero of Ferelden," she presses out, "her name was Surana... a circle mage, right? Did you know her?"

"I–uhm. Yes, of course. I knew her quite well," he sits up in the bed and rubs his eyes, "why... why do you ask?"

She swallows. "You're whispering her name in your sleep."

"I... what? _Oh._ " He stiffens. For a long time, he says nothing, and she wonders if she's annoyed him.

_I shouldn't have asked._

"I attended her Harrowing, actually," he answers then, "she was one of my charges. And... a lovely woman."

"Lovely?"

"There was some... youthful infatuation on my part. A feeling I had..." his voice softens as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, and she leans into his touch, aching for him, "...forsaken until recently."

"You and the Hero of Ferelden? Really? You never told me."

He chuckles quietly. "There isn't much to tell, actually. There _may_ have been a few... stolen kisses, but nothing else. She left the circle to become a grey warden. I saw her... only once since then."

"But... you're still dreaming of her?" A new sting of jealousy. She can't help herself, it hurts.

"Yes," he sighs, "sometimes. And apparently I talk about the matter, too. I'm sorry, love." He slips closer and pulls her towards him, gently, until her back rests against his chest, and she can feel the steady beat of his heart.

"The last time I saw her, I was in a sorry state. I told you about the circle and what happened there. It was her who freed the tower. I would be dead or mad if not for her. But I never told her that. In fact the things I said to her, they were... unkind. Untoward. I deeply regret them now."

"Oh."

"And I... I think I just wish she knew that. The fact that I can't tell her, it hurts."

"What _would_ you tell her?"

"Does it matter? She's dead." The sudden bitterness in his voice hurts even more. "I'm sorry, Cullen," she whispers, "I didn't mean to reopen old sores."

For a while, they sit together, quietly. Then she feels his chest rising and falling as he takes a deep breath.

"I would tell her... that I'm sorry," he speaks slowly, "I would tell her that I was wrong, and that I'm forever grateful that she didn't listen to me. That she didn't agree to destroy the circle and all those innocents in it.

I would tell her that she's a wonderful woman, a _magnificent_ woman, and that she never deserved the hate I threw on her. I would tell her that _mages are people_ ," his words fly up now, she listens silently.

"I would tell her about the Inquisition and their righteous path, and that I'm very proud of being part of it. That I'm trying everything to do better. To _be_ better.

And I would tell her about the most wonderful woman of all Thedas. The woman that is our leader," she feels him smile against the top of her head as he kisses her hair, feels his arms tighten around her, hands searching until their fingers are entwined.

"I would tell her that I'm allowed to _love_ this beautiful, fearless woman, and that she makes me happier than I ever was before."

" _Oh_ ," she sighs, overwhelmed by happiness and embarrassment at the same time, but most of all, she's relieved. Grateful. "Cullen, I..."

"I love you," he keeps on talking, "and... when I dream of Surana, it's not because I _want_ her. It's just... what I told you. It's hard to live with the thought that she'll never know."

"Maybe... no, not maybe. I'm sure she does."

"What?"

"She caught your attention. I think she was a wonderful woman. And smart. And I'm sure she _knew_ you. You say, she freed the tower. So she saw you there, knew what happened. Maybe what she saw was a broken, angry man, but still a good man with a tender heart. I think you're too hard on yourself."

"Maybe," he says, "this is... I have to think about that point of view. It sounds too good to be true, though."

"But it is. Believe me."

"My ever optimistic dearest," he kisses her again, " but thank you. I feel better now. Ah, what have I done to deserve you?" His arms tighten around her, squeezing her almost too firmly, and she laughs.

"I love you," her heart is pounding faster now and she's never felt closer to him than in this very moment.

"Then maybe you can tell me more about that _beautiful, fearless woman_ part, now?"

"I could, but I'd rather _show_ you."

 _Happy_ , she thinks then, as he rolls them over until his body covers hers, and he's all warm and soft and sweet. _I make him happy._


End file.
